Why You Should Stop Seeking For The Love, Approval And Appreciation Of Others

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Why You Should Stop Seeking For The Love, Approval And Appreciation Of Others

We all love to be appreciated by others and to get their approval and respect. Our ego simply thrives on it. But, there is also a big problem with that: It keeps us from growing and it keeps us from being truly happy and fulfilled and from living our life to the fullest.

But why? After all, getting the respect and approval of others feels quite good. What should be wrong with that?

You know, if you want the approval and respect of others, you are not allowed to make mistakes, you can’t fail in what you are doing, you can’t really be yourself, because that’s just strange and weird…

In other words, you need to be, do and have more or less what everyone around you is doing, being and having. Just put on a nice smile and pretend you are happy and fulfilled. And if you can afford a car that’s slightly bigger than your neighbors, then everyone will think you really made it – what an amazing and exciting life that will be.

Yes, just make sure you never make any mistakes, you never fail in anything you do and always try to meet the expectations of everyone around you and you’ll get all the respect, approval and appreciation your ego is longing for.

Unfortunately, this won’t allow you to have an exciting and fulfilled life…

You know it, if you want to be happy and fulfilled and if you want to lead a truly exciting and special life, this approach surely won’t work.

An exciting and fulfilled life is something you create, something you grow into by making mistakes and by learning from them, by finding the real and unique you and by expressing it.

That’s the only way and it is a fantastic and exciting way. However, when you walk that path, you won’t get much approval, respect and appreciation from most people around you – especially at the beginning. No, instead you will get a healthy dose of laughter and ridicule and yes, most probably they will also call you a dreamer and a loser.

But that’s fine, that’s good, because learning to be yourself, having the courage to express your unique nature no matter what other’s may think or say is one of the most important lessons in life. It’s what will give you true freedom and allow you to reach heights in your life you would never be able to reach otherwise.

Just be yourself, that’s really all you need to do…

All that really counts is to appreciate and love yourself. You are the way you are and that’s perfect. You are unique and you owe it to yourself and to the rest of the world to express your uniqueness.

Don’t allow your ego to sabotage your way to happiness, success and personal freedom. Don’t care what others may think or say about you, because it doesn’t matter. Care only what you think about yourself and do whatever it takes so that you can think of yourself in the best way possible.

All people who achieved extraordinary things in their life were laughed at and ridiculed at the beginning. They were called losers, dreamers, strange and weird. But, once they reached the top, they were suddenly celebrated and called geniuses and extraordinary achievers.

It doesn’t really make any sense, but that’s just what the masses do.  So, once again, the best advice is just not to pay too much attention to what others may think or say about you.

To create an extraordinary life, to find happiness and fulfillment and to live your life to the fullest, you will have to do various “unpopular” things:

  • You can’t restrict yourself to do only things of which you are absolutely sure that you won’t fail and that you won’t make any mistakes. Every now and then you will have to leave the trampled paths and try out new things. This means, you will need to learn something new and quite naturally you will make mistakes and you will have some failures here and there. And yes, some people who never tried anything new in their entire life will call you a loser and it may hurt a bit at the beginning.
  • Fulfillment comes only once you start living YOUR life. And this means you need to embrace and express the real, unique you. Just give it a try, it’s the most amazing and exciting thing you can do in your life. But, yes, of course, there will be many people around you who expect you to be just like anyone else and they will call you weird and strange.
    But, fortunately you know that there is absolutely nothing strange about expressing your uniqueness – it’s actually the best thing you can do and everyone should do it.
  • Simply learn to trust in your gut feeling and intuition and do what feels best for you. How should anyone else know what’s best for you? Most people don’t even know what’s best for themselves, so how should they know what’s best for others. Only you can know what’s best for you. Others can give you tips and advice, but the final decision, what to do will always be up to you.

When others laugh about you, when they call you strange and a loser… it’s actually a good sign, because now you know that you finally left the crowded roads that don’t really lead anywhere and that you picked a better way that leads to happiness and fulfillment and that promises a truly exciting life – what more could you wish for?

Be proud of yourself, because now you are really growing, now you are moving forward. It takes a lot of courage to be willing to step into the unknown, to risk failure, to be different than the rest and to do things most people are too scared to do. On the other hand, it doesn’t take anything special to be like anyone else and to do what everyone else is doing.

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  1. Justin  December 10, 2013

    Hi Robert,
    I just read your guest post on Pick the Brain and I wanted to check out your site. I have to agree with you here my friend. As a former approval addict I spent many years trying to win the admiration and approval of others. It simply left me feeling empty and deflated. The only approval I need is my own.

    Take Care.

    • Robert Spadinger  December 10, 2013

      Yes Justin, by constantly looking for the admiration of others, you prevent yourself from expressing the real you and from fully living YOUR life. Thanks a lot.

  2. Clare  December 11, 2013

    Great Post Robert,

    Only by walking your own path and staying true to yourself will you open up and allow your dreams to become reality.

    Having self-belief and moving forwards fearlessly, regardless of what others are saying, is the path to living authentically and living your life on your own terms.

    I long ago relinquished the need for the approval or appreciation of others all this does is keep you stuck and riding along with mass beliefs of society about what is possible or deemed “normal”.

    I agree with you completely, be our own unique and extraordinary self’s and shine our light brightly!


    • Robert Spadinger  December 12, 2013

      You are absolutely right Clare – we are all unique and we need to learn to trust in our own intuition and to walk our own path. By the way, I just checked out your blog and I think it’s really fantastic – thanks.

      • Clare  December 12, 2013

        Thanks Robert for the wonderful feedback! Much appreciated Your Blog is highly informative and inspiring, Great Work!

  3. Greg  February 3, 2016

    Very good insight. Thank you!


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